Affiliates:
| Ranting & Raving |
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| Fuck My Family | 10/23/13 |
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Interesting theme here, yes? BTW, anyone want to adopt a 31 year old, lazy, half-assed cripple with a real low tolerance for bullshit? I won't shit on the carpet...unless you really piss me off! ;) I know I'm not the only one with a crazy family. I doubt everyone has a grandmother that got away with multiple counts of bank fraud, forgery, tax evasion, and tried to throw them out of their own house. Old bat finally died earlier this year. More on that later. A lot of my family doesn't talk to each other anymore. Doesn't really bother me. My cousin always screamed at the top of her lungs anytime anything bothered her and her parents never shut her the fuck up. She's still a screamer, from what I hear. She's also dumber than mud. Seriously! She talked to a recruiter about joining the Marine Corps years ago and was told they'd probably send her on a "tour of Iraq." She thought she was going sightseeing!! She went to nursing school and didn't even know what "orientation" was. She flunked out of nursing school, but somehow managed to end up an LPN. She's the worst kind of person to go into nursing. Besides being an idiot, she couldn't care less about people. She just looked up what jobs would pay good and always be in demand. My parents always drove me nuts. Well, they ARE nuts, and they're probably contagious. When we finally got the car accident settlement, my mother and I both got new vehicles, but they're a secret from half the people she knows (including half our family). When my father's cousin comes to town, my mother keeps her car hidden in the garage and only drives the old truck. "I don't want them knowing we have new vehicles!" It's been 2 years now. They're not that new anymore, asshole. They don't have many friends, and my mother always bitches about the ones they do have. It's too much, too stupid, and too often to think of anything specific, so use your imagination. She acts like people only call when they want something. I don't see her calling these people to shoot the shit anymore than they call her. My parents never knew how to get out and socialize with other people, despite how much my mother loves to run her mouth. She's obsessed with keeping the house and yard looking nice, but she never wants anyone here to see it anyway! Every time someone comes in the driveway, it's the same shit. "Who's here now!? I'm busy! I don't know who it is! I'm locking the door. We're not home." She really gets pissed when it's during dinner, as if she can't eat and talk at the same time. Actually, it's worse than that. I still remember the time they brought pulled pork and stuff in from the grill, had it all ready to go on the dinner table, and one of my father's old friends showed up. Dinner was late to begin with and I was fuckin hungry, but she hid everything in the oven for an hour and a half until they left! Nope. Nobody can see food on our table, or see that we actually eat in this house! There was another guy they met one time and let him and his niece stop by to visit. Then they called a few weeks later and said they were coming by again. An hour or so goes by, and my mother is flipping out because she had "things she was doing." She was sorting pocket change that was piling up in the bin with a flashlight on her head! Then they called to say they were lost, and she didn't answer the phone. They finally showed up here and she hid until they left. I woke up this morning, and all I heard for an hour and a half was my mother's mouth... from across the fucking house! She doesn't actually yell that much. She's just loud no matter what. You should hear her on the phone. I swear anyone that talks to her must hold the phone a foot away from their ear. She's got minor brain damage since that car accident years ago, so she says everything ass backwards, but she still never shuts up. Then they carry on conversations across the house all the time. My father's hearing sucks, so she has to say everything 4 fucking times because she's too lazy to actually go talk in the same goddamn room! My mother is always bitching and moaning about stuff that's such nonsense it's unreal. My father's cousin from Florida asked them to help clean out the house they own nearby so they can sell it, and my mother bitches she has so much of her own shit to do, they give everything to everyone else, they're rich and they expect her to do everything for free, etc. Yeah, she has a lot she wants done, but she's the only one that gives a shit about most of it. The barn is 100 years old. It doesn't look that bad, and it's not going to fall down if it doesn't get fucking painted this year! She always wants the house cleaned out, but she never takes the time to do it right. She's a pack rat anyway, so nothing ever goes anywhere. I remember last time she cleaned she finally tossed the box from the Swiffer she bought like a year before. She spends all summer in the goddamn garden. Then she bitches she has stuff to do other times, and she proceeds to spend 4 hours on the computer entering sweepstakes. She's always "you can't say this" and "you can't say that." Watch me. She'd go apeshit if she knew I was writing half of this stuff. She's one of those people that talks nice to everybody's face then bitches about them after the fact. She won't even argue with cashiers or demand a manager when she has a problem. She comes home, emails the store, and she's all super friendly when someone calls her. They couldn't even make a decent attempt at selling this farm. First they picked a complete asshole to sell it. He put a sign up and half the sign was his fucking face. Then they tried to sell it themselves. That was a joke. They didn't know what to say to people, and just stopped answering the phone. Nobody wants to pay what it's worth anyway. It's 150 acres on the corner of a fucking Interstate exit. It should be worth a pretty penny for commercial development, if they don't manage to get Eminent Domained out of here. They already fucked up the oil rights. They wouldn't know where the hell to go even if someone did come along with enough money. We never did vacations. Hell, they never even went on a honeymoon. We went to Niagara Falls with my grandparents once when I was real young, and we took a cruise in 2005. Only thing I remember from the Niagara Falls trip as a kid was getting my ass beat because I was tired of posing for a picture every 2 fucking seconds. I always knew these people were idiots. I'd say at least 90% of the things I got into trouble for when I was a kid were bullshit. Obviously, I thought it at the time, but I stand by my original assessment of most of the stuff I remember. Of course, I was always too smart for my own good. I still remember her bitching when I was in college. I had found some friends the first semester and was spending a lot of time with them over holiday break. When the next semester started, she was immediately bitching I didn't need to be going out every time someone called, and that I could be studying/working on school stuff. It was like the 2nd week of the semester. I didn't need to do any goddamn thing. Leave me alone! I know I'm forgetting a ton of stuff, but that's enough of a rant for now. Oh, I'll elaborate on the dead criminal relative a bit though. My mother has been trying to write a book on the whole crazy situation for years. When my parents first got together, my father's sister told her not to expect any of their parents' money because their mother was giving it all to her once their father died. She wasn't kidding. Apparently, she even tried to give my mother German Measles while she was pregnant with me. She was so jealous my father ended up with the first boy in the family (she had 2 girls) that she dragged her hubby to some clinic and made sure her next kid was a boy. We found out from my grandfather. Bet that was pricey back in the 80s. Anyway, my grandfather wanted my father to have the farm to keep it in the family name, so we ended up here. The original farm house burnt down while we were moving in. We always suspected something foul (for a number of reasons, not limited to family). My grandfather died a few years later. Then a few years after that my grandmother comes down here on my birthday with her new husband that she told everyone "has no looks, but lots of money." She takes my parents aside and tell them "the farm is worth more now, I want it back." The mortgage was through her (big mistake), so she tried taking us to court. Not only that, the lawyers WE fucking hired did everything possible to throw the case. Throughout all this, we kept finding out one thing after another that this old lady had done. She had stock shared with my father, and she was forging his name on the checks. Then she used her husband's death certificate to trick the bank into transferring the stock out of her son's name (they were Junior and Senior). We had proof of her cheating on her taxes too. She also raided our mailbox, as well as some other random things. Yes, she was our neighbor during this. Nobody would prosecute her locally or federally. Everyone said "she's too old to prosecute" or something similar. Even the IRS guy said it would look bad to go after an old lady. We finally got the farm free and clear (well far from free), and the bitch moved away. Not before finding the most crooked surveyor in the area, and having them paint a line down the center of our driveway to claim that's where the property line was though! That was lovely. Of course, nobody will ever fix it either. Another surveyor actually told us anyone who challenges that one outfit gets their house burned down. My grandmother also went on to steal from two of her aunts' estates. One of them even had some kind of bank accounts setup with her great grandkids'(?) names that would revert to them upon death. My grandmother managed to transfer those to herself with the power of attorney after her aunt was dead (more bank fraud). She got away with all of it and died free. A ton of shit went down, but those were the highlights. Suffice to say, I've had an interesting life. | |
