| Ranting & Raving |
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| Gamecube Gives Me Gas | 3/29/02 |
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Nintendo, you need to cut out this kiddified bullshit. It's givin me the shits. I got another freebie issue of EGM a few days ago and wanted to puke when I looked at that info about Mario Sunshine. The game looks so stupid. Oooh, Mario has a water gun attached to his back. Well, at least we know he won't get thirsty while he's looking for sunflowers or whatever. Oh, wait, I know! It's for giving Bowser an enema! Oh that'll be sooo much fun! Now we know what Luigi's vacuum is really for (cleaning up Bowser turds!). IGNorant's preview says that the game's features include: "Collect Sunshine Coins" "Water gadget on Mario's back is used to spray H20 on paint that falls from the sky" To that I say HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As far as Luigi's Mansion goes, I've already said I think it's one of the dumbest games on the planet. Luigi doesn't even know how to punch or nothin! He just stands there whistling with a shit-eating grin on his face like he finally got some head from Peach while Mario wasn't around. What other games is Nintenblo making? Well, there's ZooCube, if you're an 8 year old with a lower than average IQ. Then there's the 3rd party devolopers that are porting all their shit and kiddying it up for Cube. Yay, let's have another dumb Sonic Adventure game. Those 3D Sonic games suck. I played the demo of SA when I had a Dreamcast and it was dumb just like Sonic 3D Blast on Genesis. Sonic is only good as a 2D game. Let it go! How bout Squaresoft? Yay, let's see how many people wanna pay $50 to play Final Fantasy 7 again when it's still the same as the PSX version. I'd be more than happy to buy an FF7 remake if they made some of the rumors come true (e.g. reviving Aeris); hell, I'd pay $100 for that! But, why the hell would I wanna buy the same game on Cube without any changes only to play it with a sucky, poorly designed controller. Poorly designed is an understatement. The designer of that controller was mentally disturbed, drunk, and smoking weed! He probably had ADD too for that matter. What about RE? Great. Let's play "How many times can we rerelease the same damn game, that wasn't incredibly great to begin with, and get it to sell?" How many times did they rerelease it on PS1 alone? 3? Make something new for fuck sake. I don't see a sequal to Devil May Cry yet. bastards Another game a lot of people seem to be looking forward to is WWF Wrestlemania X8. Haven't those people realized that AKI isn't developing it! AKI developed WCW Revenge, Wrestlemania 2000, No Mercy, etc on N64 and did a damn good job of it, but Wrestlemania X8 is being made by Yukes. For those of you who are uninformed, Yukes is the group of dumbshits that made the Smackdown games on PS1/PS2. Yeah, those games are real fun. You powerbomb your oppenent through a table and he gets back up before you can pin him. Wonderful programming. Now, it's been said that Yukes is trying to be more like AKI with this one, but I'm not expecting anything great. Even if the game is halfway decent, how the hell are we supposed to play it on those Cube controllers!? | |
