| Ranting & Raving |
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| Well, Videogames are Really Starting to Suck (Updated 5/6/09) | 12/22/08 |
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What the fuck is wrong with gaming now? Between consoles getting fried by shit hardware and games that take longer to install than to play, I hardly know where to begin. The gaming industry makes me sick. I miss N64. I miss gamesharks letting me 0wn games when they piss me off. Hell, I spent the better part of 5 years making codes every chance I had. Computers aren't even safe now that we have this "Vista Only" shit and "Games for Windows." Games have been for Windows since 1995. Fuck off! If the fact they're trying to shove Vista down our throats isn't bad enough, check out the protection on these games. You can't even have certain CD burning/imaging programs installed or some games refuse to run. What the flying blue fuck cheese balls!?!? Dictating what can and can't be installed on my machine for a game to run. Fuck you. *Download Patch* Yeah, there's always a patch, so why bother? Why must these companies waste millions on anti-piracy junk that never works? YOU WILL NEVER WIN! Not only that, but some of it has even caused system vulnerabilities. Nice job, StarFuck. Ok, let's move onto Xbox 360, and continue the Microsoft hate. Unless you've been living under a rock, you probably heard about the absurdly high failure rate on 360s. Oops! Maybe they'll get it right with the latest revision, Jasper. I've seen a brand new Falcon act shit in less than 3 weeks, so I'm not holding my breath on Jasper. That New Xbox Experience bullshit will probably undo any progress made in the hardware department anyway. Plus, it looks like ass, smelly sumo ass! Bugs have already been found, like HDMI not working with certain TVs and apparently causing RRoD. Only Microshaft could bring us a BSoD for consoles! The wireless controllers are shit, but they're nicer than Sony's shit. At least we can change the fucking batteries...every 15 minutes. They make wired controllers too, but not in black. Memory cards don't come in black either, just fugly white. Most expensive, ugly fucking 512 meg flash drive you'll probably ever see. Oh, did I mention, it's fucking useless? That's right. I was worried about losing game data if my console fails or I sell it and forget about the saves again. Having a backup is always a good idea. Anyone with a computer will tell you that, right? Well, Microshaft apparently disagrees. They've put in something that allows game developers to lock save data so it can't be copied or moved between devices. Fuck if I'm going to unlock everything on these games again in the event of an HDD failure. I'm already dizzy from the shitty camera angles on Devil May Cry 4. Am I running forward? Oh, the camera changed, now I'm going backwards. Fuck you, sideways. Ok, now onto some bigger dicks. Anybody got a PS3? Great. Reminds you of Windows 95, don't it? Put in a game, wait a few hours, and maybe you can actually play it! Those things have what, a 5400RPM hard drive (or was it 4800)? It's not a fuckin laptop! Give it some power, you stupid bastards! The BD drive being like 0.5X doesn't help matters either. What, NORMAL 7200RPM hard drives are too expensive? If that wasn't bad enough, we can't enough put in our own. Guess what, the game developers code the games to EXPECT slow shit! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? The games should be coded to run, not expect certain transfer speeds for fuck sakes. I heard people having issues just because they tried to use a 7200rpm hard drive. Well, I guess using a WD Raptor is out. We'll just be stuck with this slow ass bullshit because of some narrow minded prick that's writing these data access routines. I wouldn't let these fuckers program a VCR, and these companies are letting them write videogames? Then there's Blu-Ray. Great picture quality, but DRMed out the ass and nobody is content with simply making the fucking movie play. No, they have to throw in all this bullshit extra programming that keeps requiring firmware updates to play a fucking movie that's encoded with the same A/V codecs as every other BD movie. Great plan. I applaud the Bluetooth remote though. I'm tired of having to point remotes at just the right spot for them to work. The universal remote junkies need to quit whining about it. The wireless controllers are shit though. If the battery ever quits working (as rechargeables do eventually) you have to buy a new controller. Two points to Sony for finding a new way to fuck gamers over! Last of the 3 big dicks would be Nintendough. Yeah, they're just raking in the dough on that Wii shit, along with 12 versions of fucking Gameboy. I hope some kid goes on a school rampage with one of those Wii nunchucks or those stupid guitars. That'd be the only thing that would make Wii the least bit entertaining, in my opinion. THIS is the future? Touch screens and Wiimotes? I'll pass. Oh, and please stop fucking up classic games like Mario64 by porting and butchering them. I find the entire idea of the Wii to be absurd, but the upcoming Punch-Out remake has forced me to get one. So far, I stand by all my original comments. This is insane. You can't even toggle settings or navigate system menus in the fucking thing without waving the wiimote around like an idiot. Would it really be that difficult to enable the directional pad on the fucking thing too!? No, don't give people the option to do things in a halfway normal way. That'd make too much sense. There also doesn't appear to be an option to disable the vibration of the damn thing. I hate that shit. I also heard that the system was intended to be available in multiple colors, but we're stuck with shitty white ones because of the constant supply issues. Not fair. NOT FUCKING FAIR! Black should always be an option. Of all my electronics, the only thing that matches that shit is my goddamn Dreamcast. As far as this motion control shit goes, you can take it and shove it. The technology for full VR should be there by now. Go all or nothing. What's the idea of only providing analog output? I don't care if it's only 480p, it should have the option of digital hookups like everything the fuck else currently does. And why are all the buttons so fucking tiny!? It's wiitarded. And what the hell happened to built in cheats? DRMing the fuck out of these systems to block cheat devices wasn't enough? There's hardly anything in games to unlock anymore, and half of what is unlockable is fucking dumb. It's all achievements now. A real achievement would be for these programmers to put away whatever they're snorting and make some better games. At least EA lost the Bond license. Can't imagine why *roll eyes*. Then those assholes actually had the balls the try to ruin, excuse me "buy", TakeTwo (the GTA developers!!). Wrestling games suck now. I haven't liked a Smackdown game since Shut Your mouth. All they do is update the roster and add more load screens. What the fuck are these guys smoking? How can people stand seeing a load screen every time they press a button!? "Oh, but the graphics are pretty!" Games used to be about gameplay. Nobody gave a fuck how pixilated Mario used to look while shoving fireballs up Bowser's ass. They still play the old Mario games because the gameplay was actually good. Back on the topic of wrestling, what the fuck happened to AKI? No Mercy and Wrestlemania 2000 are still the best wrestling games of all time. We used to get different games on each system, but now Yukes shovels out the same shit for every system. Fan-fucking-tastic. And what the hell happened to fighting games? Fighters in games used to be responsive, quick actions. Now everything is fucking slow motion. How the fuck does anyone stand these new games? It takes a full 10 seconds to pull off a punch or kick. What's the point? | |
