| Ranting & Raving |
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| Sports Are Lame (Updated 1/1/10) | 4/19/05 |
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Sports really piss me off. Most of them are just plain fuckin stupid, and none of them should be on TV. Why must NBC/CBS/ABC show such complete shit programming on the weekends!? It's Saturday, and all of a sudden every fucking network thinks they're ESPN. Hell, they even cut in during the week for shit. They cut out the CBS soaps for tennis and college fucking basketball every year. COLLEGE basketball! Not even NBA! What the fuck!? What's next, cutting out prime time shows to air high school sports? Give me a goddamn break. The fucking schools nowadays are more interested in sports that education. It's bullshit. You just know some of the same shit you see on TV is really happening too; stupid jocks getting their grades fixed because they're good at their dumb ass game, crimes being covered up to keep the assholes out of jail when they do shit other people would get locked up/expelled for. Fuck sports! A few choice quotes other people have made about sports... "Golf. This is one of the dumbest sports I've ever heard of. Hitting a ball with a crooked stick, and then WALKING AFTER IT! When you finally do find it, you hit it again. I say pick it up, asshole. You're lucky you found the fuckin thing! Put it your pocket and go home. Your a winner!" ~ George Carlin "Hockey isn't a sport. It's 3 activities done simultaneously: ice skating, playing with a puck, and beating the shit out of somebody." ~George Carlin "You know why black people don't like hockey? Cause the only thing black is the puck...and they beat that around with a stick." ~ Alonzo Boden Now my own complaints.... First off, why must they always have some asshole sing the national anthem in the shittiest way possible? No one wants to hear that horrible high-pitched shit that these idiots do when they sing it. I don't give a fuck if it was intended that way or not. It sounds like shit! Do these assholes ever listen to how bad they sound? Oh, they wear earplugs on stage so they don't have to! Racing: Where do I start? Holy shit this is stupid. Driving 500 laps in a fucking circle and making 50 pit stops? What are we trying to prove here? The fastest car or the driver that can stay awake the longest!? It's all about making lame ass pit stops at the right time until like the last few laps. Complete stupidity. That's not racing, it's a waste of fuel and rubber. I hear there's even a speed limit on some races. What-the-fuck? It's a RACE. Holy shit. The stupidity amazes me. People actually watch this shit??? Why the fuck would you want to race cars that are all built to be equal (CRIPPLED!)? What's the point? That's NOT racing. Watch Fast and The Furious sometime. That's what racing should be. Hockey: Well, other than the fact it's one of the lowest scoring goddamn sports I ever saw (make the goal a little bigger or put the fuckin goalie on a diet), there's a lot of completely pointless rules. Off Sides? WTF!? If a guy crosses the center line before the puck reaches him he's off sides. Well, I don't know about you, but I'd be looking at a lot of other shit before I wanted to pay attention to a fucking line on the floor (like the puck or the assholes trying to run you the fuck over!). Icing? Hitting the puck toward the goal is only allowed if you're close enough to it? fuck you. It amazes me people actually pay for tickets to go and watch this shit. Imagine, they pay for tickets to go sit somewhere and freeze their asses off while some idiots are playing a game. Football: A 1 hour game clock, but the game lasts like 5 hours by the time they're done fucking around. Really now. Plus, they have to throw in a fucking pre-game show and post-game show. WTF? Shut the hell up. It's a game. Let them fucking play, and let that be the end of it! The only thing I find amusing about football are the fun movies (i.e. The Replacements). There's also the dumbass kickers. They only have 1 job: kick the fucking ball! How do they manage to screw that up so much? If you can't get the ball to go dead center between the uprights from the 1(?) yard line for the extra point, stay the fuck off the field. The referees piss me off too. Why the fuck do they have to echo on TV every time they get shown making a goddamn call!? Has no one realized how fuckin irritating that shit is!? Then everyone goes batshit half the time because the assholes screw up the calls anyway. I guess each team is allowed a few challenges now to have the referees check the replay video or something? Why not plant a referee in front of the fucking TV to begin with!? Then if the ones on the field fuck up, he can step up and fix it. Nah, that'd make too much sense. Heaven forbid anyone try to use some fucking logic. They pay the goddamn players a fortune every year. What's one more ref? Basketball: Who the fuck wants to watch a bunch of assholes running back and forth across a court squeaking their goddamn shoes the whole time and getting called for fouls even though most of the assholes couldn't make a foul shot to save their life. Golf: Just plain stupid. Yeah, let's go hit a golf ball a couple hundred yards at a time and try to get it to a hole. Bullshit. I wanna see these guys play miniature golf. Let's see how good a mood Tiger Woods is in after fucking around with a windmill for half an hour! And wtf is with these assholes and putting down a marker for their ball when it's only like 4 feet from the goddamn hole!? Just put it in and be done, numbnuts! My parents had golf on during dinner the other day and I saw this one guy miss a 2 foot putt. Why the hell is he on TV!? Horse Racing: WTF? This is an outdated, elitist fucking thing that's only purpose nowadays is for people to fucking gamble on. Yet, they put it on fucking TV! What asshole decided horse racing was a good idea to include in Saturday programming!?!? Not only that, but they spend more time talking about the fucking race before and after then they do showing the goddamn thing! Tennis: What the hell is this shit? Oh, That guy has X number of set points, this many aces, and some deuces. Great. What the fuck is the difference!? And why does it sound like a goddamn poker game? Those games go on entirely too fucking long. Have you ever noticed the assholes are too lazy to even pick up the fucking balls? Once that ball goes down, they make some idiot run out and pick it up for them. Lazy bastards. Ever see how often these idiots slam the ball straight into the net on the serve? I don't know much about tennis, but I know the ball is supposed to go OVER the net! These people are supposed to be professionals and they look like complete idiots out there. I can't believe they cut out the CBS soaps for shit like the U.S. Open. There's another dumbass thing. It's called the U.S. Open, but I don't think I've seen one fucking American on there. You can't understand any of these idiots when they get interviewed. What a lousy show. Now if they tried to hit each other with the ball once in a while, that might be entertaining. Dodgeball with smaller balls. Why not? First person to get knocked out or hit in the nuts looses or most hits after a certain amount of time. First to 21 bruises? whatever. It'd be a lot more fuckin entertaining than the shit they do now. I still don't understand how people can stand to watch it without the TV muted. Holy hell. Every time somebody hits the ball they scream as if they got hit by the motherfucker. "Uhhhh! Aahhh!" Close your goddamn mouth, asshole! Olympics: How is any of this shit considered sports??? For that matter, why is it that most of the people on "team USA" aren't even fucking American!?!? "Michelle Qwan" - The name says it all. There's Canadians, Asians, etc. How the hell are these countries supposed to compete against each other when half the best athletes from those countries are on other fucking teams!? You want to be in the Olympics, compete for the right goddamn country. These idiots do nothing but train all the time. They have no lives outside that shit. They starve themselves to keep their weight down. What the fuck kind of life is that? All in pursuit of a fucking hunk of metal. GET A LIFE! Gymnastics/Floor exercise - WTF is with all that stupid prancing and posing. Do shit that actually requires some kind of fucking skill! Diving and Synchronized Diving - What the flying fuck? Do people have nothing better to do than judge how some asshole lands in the water? That's fucking lame. Ice skating - Another "WTF!?!?" Stupid prancing and posing shit. Really. If you call that a sport, let's add pole/belly dancing while we're at it. At least that'd be fuckin entertaining. Sledding/Skiing - Once again, STUPID. Put some trees and obstacles in there to make it interesting. I wanna see some idiot land in a tree, nuts first. That'd be halfway entertaining. Dodgeball should be a sport. Now that's fun shit! :-D What about the cost of some of this shit? They raise the sales tax and stuff in some states to pay for new stadiums. FUCK YOU! I'm not a sports fan, and I shouldn't have to pay out to support the shit. If you want more money, raise the fuckin ticket prices. Let the goddamn fans pay for the shit if they want it that bad. Better yet, tax the 20 million a year some of the fucking players make! | |
