| Ranting & Raving |
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| Goddamn, Shopping is Irritating (Updated 10/28/09) | 4/18/05 |
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Does anyone actually enjoy shopping anymore? I don't. Every time I find something I like, they either discontinue it or change the recipe so it tastes like shit. What the hell was wrong with Surge? It was awesome, but the Coca Cola assholes decided to dump now. Now we have this Sierra Mist shit. Ever see those commercials with the dog making that face? That's cause it tastes so fucking nasty! I think whoever came up with that shit was doing the wrong kind of coke. How bout Thomas english muffins? They have 20 flavors, but the ONE flavor I actually like gets discontinued. Why doesn't anyone make cinnamon muffins or bagels without fucking raisons!? They used to, but not anymore. Assholes. Here's another good one. Nabisco Graham crackers. I've been eating those for 20+ years. Now all of a sudden, they taste like shit. The box says "Now with whole grain." Bite me. I get Keebler grahams now. They taste decent, but I noticed one thing different from Nabisco's. EVERY package of Keebler grahams I open has a bunch of broken shit. Not just once in a while. Every package in every box. Nabisco's never had that problem. Sure, there was an occasional cracked one, but not every time. By the way, most of the crackers (Ritz, Town House) at the store taste like shit now too. What gives? Also, Walmart no longer carries Keebler Grahams. They sold good. The shelf was empty half the time I went looking for them, so what gives? They probably cut them to make room for more Great Value shit. Assholes. They don't stock Act II popcorn anymore either, despite the fact Sam's Club still carries it in bulk. They apparently quit stocking Canada Dry Ginger Ale too. WTF? Back when Coca Cola was still making Surge, not one goddamn store in western PA carried it. I had to go to Youngstown, OH to fucking buy it. I'll never understand that shit. Pretzels are still decent, if you don't mind a serious lack of salt. What the fuck is with these companies? There aren't any pretzels with a fuck ton of salt anymore. All I see if this low fat, low sodium bullshit. Where's the EXTRA SALTY, motherfuckers!? Not everyone is a goddamn nutrition freak. I'm tired of seeing so much silly shit. Sugar free, fat free, low fat, low sodium, caffeine free, diet. WHERE'S THE FUCKING REAL FOOD!? Gotta love how some people eat like elephants but think a "diet" drink is going to do them any goddamn good. Anybody like frozen pizza? I used to, but not anymore. There were probably 6 or 8 different brands I could eat. Now, every one of them makes me want to puke. They seem to do something to the sauce that makes it taste like shit. Oh, and don't bother looking for pizza sauce in cans/jars anymore. They only seem to stock like 1 fucking brand. The pizza chains should start selling their goddamn ingredients. They suck at putting them together nowadays anyway. Is it that hard to roll out dough evenly? I can't stand pizza that's paper thin in the center. It tastes like mush cause of all the grease/sauce, and you can't even pick it up cause all the fuckin toppings will fall off. Plus, everything is shrinking while the prices keep climbing. Hagen ice cream was sold in 1.75 quart containers a few weeks ago. Now it's 1.5 and the price is still the same. Fuckin assholes. Happens to other things too. "Mega rolls" of paper towels now are the size the pissy regular ones used to be. They think people are so stupid they won't notice? Don't bother with spaghetti either. Have you seen those tiny boxes of macaronis? There's barely enough in a box to feed 1 person! And that's the only size boxes they have. You have to shop at Sam's Club to get things in decent size packages now! WHAT THE FUCK? What is with this fuckin "hoodie" shit? Why can't I find decent sweatshirts anymore? Not hooded fucking shirts. SWEATSHIRTS! I wish the sites that sell "offensive" t-shirts would offer a sweatshirt option. I should get some plain ones and start wearing XL t-shirts over them. Another thing that pisses me off is all the added security in electronics departments. I've seen Kmarts keep $20 titles locked up, while they're in bins and open racks at Walmart. It's stupid. Then there's the issue of nobody with a key actually being around when you want something, or they're pissing around trying to explain something to some technophobe. I've seen $15 BDs locked in the security booth in front at Sam's Club, and it literally took 5 minutes to get somebody with a key and another 10 for the dumb bitch to actually find the title. What about those shitty cable things they use on box sets at some places? THEY RUIN THE BOXES HALF THE TIME! Let us not forget those lovely built in security devices that set off the alarm when the cashiers forget to disable them. I can't stand the old bats working the door at Walmart. We're walking out with a whole goddamn cart full of groceries and the thing goes off. "See the receipt? See the item? Now piss off." No, they insist on writing a bunch of shit down and going to a register to disable it. Last time somebody tried that shit, I bitched at them and they just handed it back to me. Why harass customers and hold things up unnecessarily? The door assholes at Sam's Club piss me off too. They expect to see your card on the way in, plus the cashier needs to scan it if you buy something. I'm getting my card out ONE time. Not 2, not 12. Fuck off. Second, there's always a line at the goddamn exit because the assholes insist on carefully checking everyone's receipts. Here's an idea. Watch the goddamn registers. If you actually saw the people come through a register with shit, then assume they paid for it and get the fuck out of the way. Then when you're finally ready to checkout, the lines are a mile long cause there are only 2 fucking registers open. That, or the old bitches at the register are talking more than working. Shut the fuck up and scan everything! Then some of the near-sighted bitches spend a half hour examining ads when people want to price match. They look for any lame excuse to deny it. Here's an idea: quit acting like the discount comes out of your own pocket and hurry the fuck up. I got denied a price match once because the item name on the ad didn't say "2-disc edition" for the Transformers HD-DVD. HELLO? There's only 1 edition of it, assholes. Then everyone's paying with fucking plastic. Go through the express line and some old fart is buying depends with a goddamn debit card and holding up the line cause s/he can't figure out how to work the stupid electronic thing they make everyone use. How is plastic more convenient, if the asshole people have to do everything themselves instead of just handing it to the cashier and being done with it? Enough with signatures and pin numbers. Put a goddamn finger print scanner in there instead. Swipe your card, put your finger on the scanner, take your receipt, and GET THE FUCK OUT! Why must people use plastic for minor purchases? If you don't have enough cash on you to buy a pack of gum or overpriced bottle of water, go to the bank and get the fuck out of my way. I'm also wondering why the hell layaway still exists? It was a stupid idea that only idiots actually use. Get something you can't use but make payments on it all year til you pay it off. It's like financing for dummies. Most things that are expensive enough to be difficult to afford have payment plans anyway, or you can put it on a credit card, so let's get rid of that shit already. I think if you can't set aside the money to pay for something all at once, you shouldn't be buying it in the first fucking place. Here's an idea. Go try to put a box of condoms in layaway. Hey, you're probably getting fucked by their interest rates or whatever anyway, so let's make it safe sex. If nothing else, it'd be interesting to see the clerk's reaction. Why must big stores use those goddamn noisy fucking cellophane bags!? I hate that shit. My mother comes back from Walmart early in the morning and you can hear the noise from those dumb ass bags all through the house. What's wrong with regular plastic for fuck sake!!? If we wanted noisy, we'd use paper fucking bags. There's another issue. What is it with people that want their shit bagged in paper bags inside plastic bags? Paper OR Plastic motherfucker, NOT BOTH! Seems like it's normally old people that do that shit too. Then there's people who buy a whole cart (or 2 carts) full of shit and expect someone to help them get it to their car and load it up. You had no problem pushing all that shit around the store, so I don't see how you can't get it to the fucking car yourself. Holy shit people are lazy. And who designs these motherfucking parking lots!? They're like rat mazes. I hate parking space dividers. Why spend money putting cement slabs and posts all over the goddamn place? Or those annoying ovals with shit growing in them. Come on! I walk right through them. I don't give a shit. I saw a guy back into a space on the outside edge of a parking lot one day. By the time his tires were against the curb, he had run down a small tree with his bumper. Whoever planted shit close enough to hit when there's actually a curb there deserved to have it run over. The thing that really pisses me off is those narrow isles with angled parking spaces. Why the fuck do they still do that? Something wrong with straight lines!? I prefer to back into parking spaces or drive straight through. Either way, that means I'm going the wrong way up those one way isles. FUCK EM! I don't get why people are so afraid of the lines and marked spaces anyway. How can they give you a ticket on PRIVATE PROPERTY? They could have you towed if they were pissed enough about it, but I can't see tickets being legitimate. So what about shopping online? Ok, you avoid the annoying people, parking, etc. Hell, you even avoid sales tax if you shop at the right sites, at least for now. However, there are downsides. The wait for starters. Waiting for the order to be processed. Waiting for UPS/USPS to get off their ass and get it to you. You know the drill. Why do these fucking companies shut down on the weekend and just let orders pile up? Would it kill you to keep processing orders and have the trucks loaded for the UPS guys on Monday? No, instead, the orders pile up all weekend and it takes days to catch up. Then of course you have things like Amazon's "Super Saver Shipping" where they expect you to wait an extra week for them to get around to shipping it. You're covering the shipping cost either way, WHY FUCK AROUND? Get it done. Then you have everyone defaulting to Media Mail. Why not just call it what it really is: SNAIL MAIL. There is no excuse whatsoever for it to take more than a week for any package to arrive in the continental US. I've mailed DVDs, and the First Class shipping was the same amount that Media Mail would've been. What the fuck? I'd also like to know what fucking idiots actually support sites like Best Buy that charge sales tax and hardly have bargains when you can shop at places like Amazon and NewEgg. There are also some sites that are total shit but do have good deals once or twice a year, like DeepDiscount. The problem with DeepDiscount is they can't manage their fucking inventory properly. The item pages says In Stock, but the cart says backordered; moreover, they have no idea if or when the item will be restocked. Fuck off. iNetVideo has a great selection of out of print DVDs, but they refuse to offer any shipping options other than fucking media mail, despite requests for sane options. Ebay sellers do that too, and it pisses me off. Then there are returns. Oh, sometimes they'll cover the shipping, but it's going to be snail mail again. If I paid for first class shipping to get the item here and it's FUBAR on arrival, I damn well expect them to pay for the same shipping speed on the return. Then of course you get to deal with the assholes on the phone or by email that barely speak english. May as well be a trained monkey on the other end of the line. Here's an idea. How bout actually packing things so they're not likely to be mutilated by UPS. PACKING PELLETS, BUBBLE WRAP, FOAM. Any of these things sound familiar? That's alright, it's much cheaper to pay the fucking people to deal with returns than it is to pack it right in the first place. The credit card companies piss me off too. Quit issuing me another card every couple years. Fuck your expiration dates. There's nothing wrong with the card I have. If I needed a new card, I'd fucking ask for it! | |
