| Ranting & Raving |
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| Fuck Religion (Updated 2/18/09) | 4/2/05 |
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What the hell were people smoking when they invented religion!? Yes, I'm sure some imaginary asshole created everything, determined that homosexuality was bad, decided that women weren't allowed to choose wether or not to allow a damn fetus to grow in them and said nobody is supposed to work on Sunday. Did people even know how many fucking days were in a week back then?? These bible thumpers just make me sick. Jesse Ventura said "religion is a crutch for the weak-minded". I think organized religion is complete bullshit. It's more of a way to control people than anything else. Here's a new idea: THINK FOR YOURSELF ONCE IN A WHILE! How many people go to church on Sundays who don't even want to be there? DON'T GO! Enough with the bullshit rituals and sermons. Tell your parents, wife, husband, etc to leave you the hell alone! Hey kids, want to know a good way to get out of going to church? Tell your parents that the priest looks at you "the wrong way." Notice how often we're hearing about priests and altar boys? Maybe if they were allowed to get married or at least get laid once in a while, they'd keep their hands off the goddamn kids. Why is it that people who believe in "god" are religious, but people who believe in aliens are just nuts? I think someone saying there could be life somewhere else out there in the galaxy is a hell of a lot more believable then that "god" fairytale. What a load of shit. Then these people actually think he listens to their prayers; however, he already has a "divine plan" AND he "works in mysterious ways." That basically means there's no point in praying to begin with cause his mind is already made up, RIGHT!? Gotta love how religion just contradicts itself all over the place. Who the hell wrote the bible, anyway? "Thou shalt not steal!?" How bout, 'thou shall speak some fucking English.' That ought to be a commandment. Here's another: 'Thou shall keep thy religion to thyself.' That one I borrowed from George Carlin. Anyway, the bible sucks. Now who the hell thought people should swear on it in court? Yeah, this criminal ignored that "thou shall not kill" commandment, but he believes in the bible enough to tell the truth when he testifies. What the fuck? People can be so stupid sometimes. Something else I don't get. Why does it matter which hand is on the bible and which hand is in the fuckin air??? "Place your left hand on the bible and put you right hand in the air." Put one hand in the air and the other thumb up your ass. It makes no difference. By the way, that brings up another question. What the hell happened to "Separation of church and state?!?!?!" They have no right to bring that bible into court in the first place. Nor should they have the right to give all government employees Sundays off. Other people work on Sunday, and I bet they'd like to see their goddamn mailbox full of new porn when they get home from work. What is it with stores and businesses? Do they think people don't need to shop on Sunday? Or do they think no one needs to shop before noon on Sunday? That's just fuckin stupid. There's also that little matter of alcohol sales in some states. Some states don't allow alcohol to be sold before a certain time or at all on Sunday. What mentally challenged individual came up with that shit!? Restricting commerce like that is bloody insane. If you can sell beer one day, you should be able to sell it any goddamn day or time. The government isn't supposed to establish or endorse a religion, but it's ok to have "in god we trust" on our currency" and "under god" in the fucking pledge!? Bullshit. Then people complain when anyone prints a version of the pledge without the words "under god." The original pledge did NOT include it! The shit was added later anyway! These assholes should be treated no different than regular people, but instead, churches don't have to pay taxes and these religious cocksuckers get away with anything. I live in an area where there's a lot of Amish, and this is especially true of them. We have to get permits for any little thing we do; building, demolishing, driving, etc. You practically have to get a permit to scratch your ass these days! The Amish do whatever the fuck they want. I don't see any dumb ass $100 license plates and $20 inspection stickers on their buggies. Their horses shit everywhere, but they don't have to clean it up. I bet if you walked your dog in town and didn't clean up the shit, you'd get fined. Another thing they need to do is replace that killing commandment with "thou shall not touch the children!!" The killing one was pointless anyway. If you look back in history, as we're all forced to in school, you'll see that more people have died because of religion than most diseases. The Crusades, Holocaust, all the big bloodbaths in history. Yet, people still defend it and think it's so great. You know what they used to do to people that didn't go to church? They labeled them "witches" and burned them at the stake. That's how fuckin stupid these people are. If you don't worship their "god" they'll kill your ass! So much for "thou shall not kill." Then there are those tribal assholes that think sacrificing virgins to their fictional deity will somehow grant them good things. Most people probably look at them and see "stupid primitive monkey fuckers." The stupid ones are the people in the real world with access to all the knowledge and education, who STILL BELIEVE THIS BULLSHIT! What about the KKK? Weren't those people religious too? I seem to remember the ones on TV burning crosses to scare people. Speaking of TV, there's also plenty of movies that demonstrate the stupidity of bible thumpers. Look at Troy. The smart guy wanted to burn that wooden horse, but the religious asshole saw it as an offering to Poseidon so they brought it to the temple. Yeah, that was real smart. Hell, even video games show what a scam organized religion can be; Final Fantasy X, for example. These so-called "holy" people also think they have the right to tell people how to talk and when the proper time to have sex is. There's nothing wrong with the words: shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits. Not one damn thing makes those words different from any other words in the English language. Oh, we can say "poop" or "crap" but nobody wants us to say "shit." While you're censoring 4-letter words, why not censor "bible" and "cross?" Assholes. Now about the sex thing... Why should anyone wait for marriage? How do any of us know we'll even be alive long enough to get married? How many marriages end in divorce now, anyway!? Hell, half the married people aren't happy even though they do try to stay married. Why do people think it's better to stay together "for the kids" or whatever if they're just going to fight all the time? Get a fuckin divorce and get it over with. Life is short, and let's face it: SHIT HAPPENS! You shouldn't deny yourself that pleasure, that passion, that connection with someone. It's just not right. What bout the Jews? Do they really believe "god" is anti-foreskin!? How can a religion require dick mutilation as a membership prerequisite? You're born with that skin and you should have every right to decide for yourself whether to keep it or not, as opposed to having it ripped off when you're a baby. What the fuck is wrong with people? If "god" didn't like foreskin, he shouldn't have made it. Who cares if gays want to marry? I don't give a shit. It doesn't affect me any. I bet most of these homophobes don't mind jerking off to lesbian porno. What these bible thumpers need to realize is stopping them from getting married doesn't stop them from being gay! What's the goddamn difference!? Marriage is supposed to be nothing more than a civil union between two people, so what right do the asshole politicians have regulating or debating gay marriage? Speaking of weddings, I still don't get the point of the whole thing. Everybody wants that special wedding day, and they spend months or even years planning it. Here's the amazing part. After all that planning, they do the same fucking thing everybody else does! Why bother? Why not at least be a little creative for fuck sake!? Church, flowers, white dress, tux, party afterwards, and the goddamn chicken dance. I mean come on. Some of these movie stars and musicians might be fuckin nuts, but at least they're creative. The other interesting thing about weddings is that people invite their whole bloody family. I wouldn't. I don't like any of my fuckin family, so why invite these assholes for this special day? These anti-abortion, pro-life assholes need to put down their picket signs and get a fucking life. What gives you the fucking right to force a woman to keep that fetus in her? Are you going to give her the $1000s and $1000s of fuckin dollars needed to raise that child when the father runs off with his secretary? I doubt it, so shut the fuck up. It's the woman's choice and no one else's. How bout prostitution? Like Carlin says, "Fucking is legal. Selling is legal. So why isn't selling fucking legal!?" There's another issue the churches need to stay the fuck out of. Keeping it illegal doesn't seem to stop anyone from doing it, does it!? Nobody cares! It's a waste of time to arrest these women who are just trying to make a living; go find the real criminals! If they're comfortable with it, what's the problem? It's their fuckin body. They can make more money in one day that way than they could make in a month at any dead end job. I don't necessarily think it's a good thing to do, but it shouldn't be illegal. Just like having too much to drink isn't a smart thing to do, but it's not illegal unless you put your drunk ass in the driver seat of a car. Hell, if hookers were smart, they'd find a nice legal loophole to use and go back to starting whore houses instead of freezing their asses off on the street corners. If you videotape it, and sell the client the tape, it could actually be legal. The client is merely paying the girl to star in his amateur porn films. bahaha You know what else pisses me off? Those fuckin preachers that are on TV every Sunday. Fuck off! If people want to listen to that shit let em get off their asses and go to church! Keep it the fuck off my TV! I'd rather watch the infomercials for fuck sake!! You call these bible thumpers "open-minded?" I sure the fuck don't. They're brainwashed. They're sheep that flock to church every Sunday to listen some asshole in a stupid white collar and ugly dress rant and rave about shit that barely sounds like English. Cemeteries are the biggest waste of land in this world. The only other thing that comes close in comparison is golf courses. Where the hell did this obsession with planting people come from? They don't grow. All they do is take up space. They waste land that people could be building Walmarts and titty bars on. Let us not forget about crypts. That's another good one. Right out of the Egyptians' playbook, but they differ slightly; we don't hide them like the Egyptians. What idiot came up with this? Some guy wanted his rotting corpse to be easily accessible for his family to check out from time to time? "Hey, cool. grandpa's eyeballs are gone now. Hey, who put his goddamn watch in there. I wanted that!" Then they want a fucking fortune for the coffins. What is it, like 5 grand minimum? Are these people out of their fucking minds!? Why would you pay thousands of dollars for a pine fucking box to put a corpse on display for a day then bury it!?! What a rip off. Do people even have the right to bury their dead in the backyard anymore? Or are they basically forced buy space in cemeteries and outrageously priced wood boxes? I vote for cremation. Another annoying thing about death is all the shit people say about the dead. I don't say anyone "passed away." They fucking DIED! OK!? Simple enough? Ever get behind a funeral precession? Aside from wanting to run the cocksuckers off the road, I think they pose a definite hazard to other drivers. Ever notice people think they're above the law just because they're following a fucking hearse? Why is that? They follow the goddamn hearse right through red lights. If I go through the green light and T-bone one of those assholes, who exactly is at fault? Not me. Bullshit. I had the green light. Right? Then people are always talking about their dead relatives watching over them. You think grandma is up there watching while you're beating off too? I wonder if she approves of your choice of porn, How's this for a take on "god?" "I DONT GIVE A FUCK!!!" I don't care if there's one or not. I think we should live this life and treat Jesus/God shit as most other history, FORGET ABOUT IT!!! Live this life to it's fullest and quit worrying about the goddamn preachers and the churches and the religious bullshit. I deal with things as they come along. I don't need a poorly written book to tell me how to live my goddamn life! We don't need some old geezer to tell us what he thinks the meaning of life is! We don't need some old geezer telling people they'll go to hell if they have abortions! We don't need some miserable old gray-haired bastard telling us not to use birth control (Catholics, right?) and shit; you raise 12 kids on a middle class income, asshole! We don't need some young horny idiot in a colorful robe fondling the children! Maybe those fruity fuckers should come out of the closet and live in the real world for a while. Come to think of it, if those pansies want to give up women and all that stuff, they should do us all a favor and get castrated...with a butter knife! Here's an idea for all these superstitious sons of bitches that think all those fairy tales are real: GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS AND OPEN YOURSELF UP TO LOGIC. | |
